I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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