Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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