waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
