New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
