im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
