i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
