honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
