Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
