Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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