Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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