Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think your dad took our porno
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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