I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
