I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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