how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
