you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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