You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
