she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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