The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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