I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My dick has a subreddit
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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