First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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