i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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