I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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