i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
