you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
