i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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