I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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