So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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