I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
