so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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