super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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