One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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