That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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