ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
