My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
