i permit you to call me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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