Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
