your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
