The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
