Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
