Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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