I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize