If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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