She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize