i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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