sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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