Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
