I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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