im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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