my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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