You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
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We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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