She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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