my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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