just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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