Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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