after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
