ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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