i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
sex in a hospital.. check
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
