Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
