we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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