highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
