Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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