You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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